My Kingdom for a Guitar by Kidi Bebey

Author:Kidi Bebey
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780253057860
Publisher: Indiana University Press
Published: 2021-06-24T00:00:00+00:00

Taken aback by the compliments, my parents relaxed and looked closely at my work before giving me a tender warm gaze.

– We’re proud of you! Back home, you don’t get to meet with the teachers like that for no reason, they admitted to me on the way home. We weren’t really worried . . .

As for me, I felt like it had been a close call. “Smart!” Now there’s a word that gave me some relief and, like a talisman, had the power to reassure my parents. But it also made me aware of what was at stake, the magnitude of which I was barely beginning to fully grasp. Don’t be fooled little girl, school is far from being a mere playground, a place for creativity and games and pleasures: you’re also going to school to represent your people brilliantly and therefore your behavior must be exemplary to avoid the risk of shame. Symbolically, you are continuing the destiny of former beneficiaries of l’école des Blancs, who have spent their whole lives proving that they are worthy of the faith that had been placed in them.

What do you do when you become aware that school is extremely important in your family and you are holding the wisdom card in your hand? Tails, you make every possible effort to meet the expectations that the word implies, and you settle into the position that makes everyone happy—parents, teachers, friends, and family. Heads, you keep clear of the beacons and you take on an even more daring path and let the little girl, eager for freedom, run free. But already this country was starting to mold me, holding me to behave well; I was realizing that no matter where I went, I might draw attention, become the object of gazes, amicable, tender, curious, kind, distant, or condescending. In the game of prince and princesses, I knew I was never going to get the role of Snow White. So there I was, off to conquer a space that was already circumscribed by parental demands and expectations, with the desire to please them so that I would be loved. I also hoped to reassure those I loved by offering a proud vision of a bright future.

As I walked back home feeling triumphant, holding my parents’ hands, I was ready more than ever before to play the role they envisioned for me. A role that proved, moreover, to being a generator of far-reaching smiles . . . My father seemed to be gradually coming out from under the paralysis in which mourning had plunged him. My school results, along with those of my brothers and sister, lightened him up and reassured him. He may have been living far from his home country but at least he had managed to pass on the rule his brother had taught to him: work hard, succeed, shine. This was the only way forward; there was no other option. Prepared to play by the rules, I was to going to put my whole heart and soul into cheering up my dear father, who was still heartbroken.

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